Some of you may know my husband Bill died on February 23 after suffering irreversible damage from a stroke. I am learning to live alone and dealing with the legal details and day to day changes that come after the loss of a spouse. Many of you have been there and done this, losing a husband or a wife. Some of you may also have learned what I am learning. In my case, I had a husband who spoiled and protected me in ways I never really appreciated until it was too late to thank him for all the things I fear I took for granted and just wasn’t aware of how those things would affect my life after he was gone.
I am changing names on accounts, moving automatic bank draft payments from one checking account to another, cancelling credit and gasoline cards, and looking into insurance policies that will make my life easier. And now I am realizing that when he would tell me some of these details, I wasn’t paying nearly enough attention.
So, shame on me for not thanking him for planning for my future financial security. I did thank him for the obvious things, like tolerating my love of horses and animals in general, helping with the cactus and rocks, and putting up with silly requests. It was also his idea to add onto the house so I could have a closet the size of a small bedroom! It’s full now and makes me wonder how I ever got along without it. I am also beginning to realize all the chores involving manual labor he did that I have not the physical strength or knowledge to take care of. I helped him put up two cedar post entrances to the cactus garden I wanted, but couldn’t have done them without him.
Dealing with all paper trail type things he did for me has meant drudging through copious files of papers and making sense of bills to be paid and policies to be dealt with. He tried to make me aware of all this paperwork, and probably thought he had shown me what I needed to do when the time came. I felt safe letting him take care of all that, so I didn’t bother to pay attention. I had a safe and sheltered childhood and then transitioned into a safe and sheltered marriage. I never worried about stuff like this. Now, of course, I know I should have listened.
I used to post something Zig Ziglar called a vitamind on my classroom bulletin board every day, a vitamin for your mind, if you will. One that I have always found pertinent, but particularly relevant now, is Only put off until tomorrow that which you are willing to die having left undone. I didn’t die, but he did, and I left too much undone and unsaid.
So, now that it’s too late, thank you, Bill, for all you did for me that I failed to recognize when I should have. Thank you for your patience with me. Thank you for being there. Love you.
And for the rest of you, take that vitamind to heart and do something about it. You really don’t know what tomorrow may bring.
Because, as Bonnie Raitt sings, “Life gets precious when there’s less of it to waste.”
Alice, I still just can’t believe he is gone. I sure liked Bill and I’m so sorry you don’t have him. I know you will make it alone and sorry you have to. Hugs and love!
Thanks, Donna. Life will be different.
Alice, thanks for your comments. Jerry and I both had our ‘duties’ but I found out I knew much less than I realized about things he did that I took for granted. I’ve had some health problems since he died but I’m trying to adjust to a new life without him. It will never be the same and I miss him every day but I am trying to learn how to go on. God bless you and yours.
Thank you, Mary. Hope your health has improved and that you are doing well.
There is so much we take for granted in this life. We always think we have tomorrow then God says, “time for you to come “. This leaves the rest of us to figure out life with their absence.
My heart breaks for you, yet I’m so jealous of those that have gone before us.
I’m pretty sure they have a golf course in heaven and my dad was standing in line to greet Bill behind all the loved ones gone before them. God bless you!
Big hugs and much love
Yes, I am sure they are solving the world’s problems as we speak!
Alice, you managed to write a beautiful tribute to Bill and offer some life lessons at the same time. I like what Donna said: I know you will make it alone, but I’m sorry you have to. Bill was one-of-a-kind and absolutely devoted to his family.
Thanks, Nola. All my friends and neighbors are helping.
Sorry for your loss. New challenges for you. We both had protective parents. I was single for several years and became very independent. Married 53 years I am the bookkeeper bill payer vacation planner but we share in case one of us dies
Thanks, Jan.
I enjoyed this. Thank you for the reminder about not taking things for granted.
You are welcome, Russell. You have dealt with recent loss, too, and I know it wasn’t easy. I know you are there for your dad now.
Thank you, Russell.
Hello Alice- I am so sorry for your loss. Bill sounds like a great husband and he was certainly blessed to have you in his life too, I’m sure he would say similar things of you had you passed before him. You have lived a blessed life and your marriage was one everyone would love to have.
Your words ring true to me. When you and I met, I was 3 years or so after my 20 year marriage ended and a new one had begun. Divorce creates similar realizations as your story, all the things we take for granted that the other person did, that now we have to do on our own. It is hard. Life is hard.
We are often called to do hard things and I have to say I am stronger and wiser for it. I can do more than I thought and I love bigger than before. I appreciate moments in life and people like I hadn’t before.
When I met you I was astonished at your abilities, your humor, your grit, your warm heart and willingness to share and teach me about succulents. I have no doubt you will conquer all you are dealing with now with grace and fortitude. If you ever want to talk please reach out. May God bless you and give you peace. ❤️🙏🏼
Thank you for your kind words, Kelly. I am happy that your marriage now is a happy one, which is evident from your posts of all your trips and interests. I hope your xeriscape corner is doing well. I had fun planting it for you!
Beautifully written as always. Think about these things often. You have been in my thoughts. If I can ever help let me know.
Thanks, Darla. I will let you know if something comes up I need help with.
Thanks, Darla.
GREAT, SURE MISS MY FRIEND.
Thanks, Paul.
SURE MISS MY FRIEND.
Sorry for your loss, Mrs. Liles. Great reminder, and Thank You for sharing.
Thanks, Ronnie.
Thank you for the reminder. I’m certain that Bill would tell you that you’ve got this. Only with better grammar!
Thanks, Travis. And your grammar was just fine in your comment! Hope you are still enjoying the moon on your early morning chores.